So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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