wrigley field is MILF paradise
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
