Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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