is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
