she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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