GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How's work?
Spinning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
