True but thats because hes a fetus.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
