we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
