Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
