So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
