What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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