this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
