Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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