He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
