I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
