Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
