i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's blow job season.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
