Cold hands, warm shart.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
