Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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