I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
