It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
