Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What a dumb baby whore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
