don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
