I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
