you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
