The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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