Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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