im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
