Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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