i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
