So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
