her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
