I CAN MOONWALK!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
