I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
