Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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