I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so let's talk penis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
