your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
