Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
