Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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