I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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