Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
