It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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