Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
