I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
