i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
