Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
her vagine was all disorganized.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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