So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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