Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
