ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
