State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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